Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
