Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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