dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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