I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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