I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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