almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Text me some of your sweat
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