There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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