She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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