We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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