the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish i was in the wii world.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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