if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You are the jesus of drinking
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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