i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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