thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
