This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
