Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
false alarm. still invincible.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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