she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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