I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
