Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
