Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize