I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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