Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
