That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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