after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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