I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize