it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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