I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
