I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
