So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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