My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
