Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
