I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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