this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
