Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
