I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
