And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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