Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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