Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
