wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
