i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
