i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
