3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
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im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize