Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
