I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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