When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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