Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
