did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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