I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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