if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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