I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
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Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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