I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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