I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
