I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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