I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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