no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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