I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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