i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
