my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
