watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think your dad took our porno
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
