i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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