My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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