Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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