A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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