Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
