And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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