My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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