What did we do last night that was yellow?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
