Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
