First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
