I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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