okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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