im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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