I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
